I think I should also mention that the day I started to turn my life around was also the day I decided to stop being a victim.
I had every reason to be incapable of picking myself up. I was in a severely abusive relationship for a decade that left me fucked up, my depression was deep and severe, I had dropped out of college, jobless, hopeless, and was physically unhealthy and miserable. I really wanted to wipe my miserable ass off the face of the earth. But what the hell kind of solution is that?
It’s not that I didn’t have damn good reasons to be despondent and unable to take care of myself. It’s just that nobody else was going to rescue me.
No doctor, no support group, no friends or family could force me to get out of bed in the morning, none of them could wave a magic wand and fill me with drive. Nobody else was going to shove me out the door to exercise and diet and save myself from becoming pre-diabetic. And you could be sure as shit that my ex wasn’t going to come back and help me rebuild the shitty ruined life he left me with.
Was that fair? No. It’s unfair as hell. It’s disgustingly unfair. I deserved to be saved, sure, but life doesn’t always work that way. But did I want to die a miserable sad piece of shit who never realized a single dream? Did I want to fade out like nothing? Hell no. Life dealt me a shitty hand and tried to kill me, so after spending several years prematurely mourning my own death I decided to kick its fucking ass for even trying.
One day I woke up and decided that if I had to work harder than anybody else to be happy, then so be it. And that is precisely what happened.
Sometimes when you are out of options, you have to be your own hero. Sometimes when you are powerless, you have to take that power back by force. You are in charge of your mental health and how you manage it. You may never function normally, but you can sure as hell achieve your own personal kind of “functioning.”
Don’t ever let life bully you to the point you think you don’t have the strength to improve your circumstances. Instead, punch that asshole in the teeth and make it cryfor daring to think it could ever contain you.
Why the hell did i wait this long i can’t get all this done in time!!!!
I AM NEVER GOING TO FINISH SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME NOW I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO I AM HAVING A BREAKDOWN WHY DO I DO THIS EVERY TIME
my friends,, time isn’t real..nothing really matters in the long run.. i have accepted this… what? am i stressed? i’m not even sure anymore. i just,,,am numb..remember..life is precious…have fun ., rip me
